Nobody Wants to be the Bearer of Bad News

My youngest brother, Spencer, is one of the most hilarious people I have ever met. His story telling skills are both admirable and occasionally a problem. At some point, he developed a line that my family and I now recognize as a red flag for get ready, this story is about to be wildly entertaining, but only partially accurate. It’s very hard to discern what actually happened from what didn’t.  We know whenever he begins a story with “I was just standing there minding my own business when…” that we are in for a treat.

Challenge accepted.

That tagline has evolved from being merely a story telling tool to being the method of choice for Spencer when he has bad news to share. I laugh every time I hear it. It was only as recent as this past June that I actually started to consider why he used it to preface whatever came next. It is his way of saying, “don’t shoot the messenger” and attempting to separate himself from the negativity of his message. Spencer was bringing to life advice shared in ancient literature without knowing a thing about ancient literature. I’m telling you, he is impressive.

“The nature of the bad news infects the teller”
–Antony and Cleopatra, Shakespeare

In my own experience with delivering and receiving less than ideal news, the most common concern voiced is that the person on the receiving end will take out their anger on the deliveryman. It’s too easy. That person is instantly accessible, regardless of whether they played a role in the unwelcomed information. As a result, the most common assumption then is that somebody else will step up to be the bad guy. Me? The bad guy? No way, José! Here’s the thing though – that’s not a sure thing. How are you supposed to know if nobody is willing to tell you?

I started thinking about this idea several months ago after a conversation with a friend. And once I start thinking, well, a lot of time is lost to researching topics that otherwise have nothing to do with school or work. So I bring you…

The History of Shooting the Messenger:
​A Tale of Origins

In my quest to identify the birth of the common phrase, I stumbled across a very useful tool called Google Ngram Viewer. This nifty tool allows you to search for words or phrases in books during any period of time you want and then generates a graph. Maybe this isn’t new to everyone, but my mind was blown. Google really does know everything.  

Anyways, I did a search for the phrase and created a graph shown here. Per Google, the earliest printing of the phrase in English is in the early 1970’s, however, if we learned anything from the movie 300 other than the fact that all of our past endeavors to achieve 6-pack-abs are laughable, it is that shooting the messenger was not novel in the 1970s.

“Before you speak, Persian, know that in Sparta, everyone - even the kings messenger, is held accountable for the words in his voice. Now, what message do you bring?”
–Leonidas, King of Sparta, 300

Research on the exact origin of the concept is surprisingly scarce. What I could dig up is that the ancient Greek dramatist Sophocles expressed the unpleasantness of sharing bad news in 441 B.C. in his play Antigone. In line 277 of the play, a guard plays the role of the dreaded messenger, concluding that “...no man delights in the bearer of bad news.” 

Shakespeare followed suit, later writing about the suggestion in Henry IV, Part 2 (1598) and Antony and Cleopatra (1607). A UK dictionary dedicated specifically to phrases, which is genius by the way, also mentions the possibility of the saying making it's way into the U.S. as early as the 1860s by Oscar Wilde, or even as a contribution of the great Mark Twain, though neither claimed it to be true. 

History buffs would also be quick to share that messengers were commonly used in war and in doing the dirty work of monarchs. A modern extension of the concept is represented in protections surrounding whistleblowers - that's a topic for another day.

Obviously sharing bad news is a tough job and in some instances, harder for the one saying the words than the ears they fall upon. The bad news is that bad news is here to stay. It plays a role in our relationships at home and work. Leadership positions are especially prone to the messenger metaphor because it requires you to make the tough decisions. Good news? We don’t have to sink to Trump levels in the process. There are things we can do to make delivering and receiving more bearable.

be timely.

In most cases, timely information is the best type, especially in business. However, even in our personal lives, timely information has considerable power. Maybe that piece of information you’ve acquired could prevent a poor decision or heal a relationship*. The point is that timely information is relevant information. If you’re sitting here at this point thinking “hmm, I wonder if it’s too late to tell so-and-so about the such-and-such” the answer is maybe not. Obviously sharing delayed information is situational, but as the other saying goes – better late than never. Late does not necessarily translate to irrelevant.

Be honest.

This means no exaggerations for the sake of a more exciting version of the news. If you are late to work because you had to stop on the highway to rescue a half deer-half zebra, a deerbra if you will, then say that. If it’s really because you just woke up late, then stick with that version of the story**. Delivering bad news is not the time to test out your story telling skills. That’s what blogs and stand up comedy specials are for ;) ​​

be empathetic.

You don’t necessarily need to walk a mile in my shoes, because chances are I don’t want your feet anywhere near my shoes, but you do need to at least imagine what it would be like if the roles were reversed. Plus, emotional intelligence is what gets you promoted, professionally AND personally. ​

These may be the bare necessities when it comes to sharing the not so shareable, but it's a starting point. So come on José, it’s time for a change. Your company and loved ones will appreciate the gesture. Nobody wants to be the bearer of bad news, but let's face it - somebody has to be.

Besos! 

*Disclaimer: I feel I can say this, as I am one - girls make questionable decisions with the best intentions, even knowing all/most of the story.
**If you haven’t seen Kevin Hart: Let Me Explain, you need to reevaluate your life.